Welcome to Day 20 in the “30 Days About Me”. Today we are talking about something you wished you could forget. I’m going to get really raw, real and personal. A little uncomfortable writing this but hoping that the decisions I made can be used as a teaching tool to young women and men. I am sure I will seem very old fashioned at the end of this post LOL.
The one thing I can say I wish I could forget is when and where I lost my virginity. I was much too young, it was not romantic at all, it was in a tent in the guys backyard for goodness sakes. It wasn’t special. It lead to me feeling like I had to do that after or I would lose the guy I was “in love” with. Oh my how we throw around that word when we are young. I then thought that’s what I had to do when I “loved” someone.
I wish I would have had the convictions I do now and saved myself for marriage. I wish I had thought more of myself to know that was not love but rather lust, two very different things, that when you are following your hormones get easily confused. My mom did a wonderful job raising me and really pushed abstinence but I wanted “love” so I was willing to throw the things I was taught out the door. It wasn’t as if I took sex lightly, I always felt I was in love when I did go to that point in a relationship. This is why you can’t be lead by feelings alone!
What I didn’t know then that I realized much later in life was, I was searching to fill the void I felt from my real father not being in my life. I thought sex was love, how wrong I was. Now that I have my husband, who has shown me unconditional love, I think about what a dumb girl I was. If only I knew then how I feel about it now.
One thing I hope my kids always know is how much my husband and I love them so they don’t feel the need to go looking for “love” with someone else. I hope they think so much of themselves they want to hold onto the most special thing they can give their future husband/wife as a gift. It’s become so casual today even more than when I was growing up.
I want them to wait for that person they will spend the rest of their lives with so they are not giving a little piece of their heart away to anyone else. Because for me each time and each person that was not my husband, broke a little piece of heart. My husband came along to someone who was trying to mend the pieces. I am so lucky he came into my life and helped mend the pieces even when I am sure it wasn’t easy. I want them to have a whole heart to give to the one they will spend forever with. I want them to know it’s okay to stand up and say “I am not doing it just because everyone else is, when I get married I want to be able to give something to my spouse that’s so special to me, I saved it just for them”
Well now that I got a little personal in that post LOL, if you are joining in link up your day 20 post below and if you want to join in but don’t blog leave a comment sharing what your “something you’d like to forget” is.