This is a question I have had on my heart the last several weeks. Things obviously haven’t gone the way I pictured them in my life. It seems when one thing seems to be working out, BAM, thrown into the mix is something that I don’t like or didn’t intend for. Frankly put, it takes the picture perfect life I had in my mind and shows that perfection is not happening.
Sometimes I have had to take a step back and say to myself ”Okay this isn’t what I wanted so am I going to throw a tantrum to God?” Scream, cry, get angry…sometimes that is exactly what I do. However after my moment of return to toddlerhood God sends one simple question to my heart…
“Are you in it for me or yourself?”
OOOOOKKKKAAAYYYYYY, I have now been put back in my place by my father in Heaven. I chew on this for a moment and I remember it’s not about me. I am in this for God, the One who gave me life. Sure my father and mother biologically created me but God chose to allow them to conceive me. So why shouldn’t I be in it for Him?
I have had selfish moments when it was all about ME, ME, ME. I want ,I want, I want! I need, I need, I need! After the selfishness has passed I remember what I am truly here for. I am here to live a life for God. Does that mean I won’t go through hard times and moments of it’s all about me? Absolutely not! You all have bore witness to the hard times I have gone through the last several months. It’s by sheer miracle I have made it through in tact. I have been selfish, I have thrown tantrums BUT I have also been knocked to my knees remembering IT’S NOT ABOUT ME IT’S ABOUT HIM!!!
I have TONS of verses I resort to when I need some encouragement but these are the two God has really been laying on my heart lately during my “selfish” “woe is me” moments.
Mark 8:34 (The Message) ”Calling the crowd to join his disciples, he said, “Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You’re not in the driver’s seat; I am. Don’t run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I’ll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to saving yourself, your true self.”
Matthew 17:20 (The Message) “Because you’re not yet taking God seriously,” said Jesus. “The simple truth is that if you had a mere kernel of faith, a poppy seed, say, you would tell this mountain, ‘Move!’ and it would move. There is nothing you wouldn’t be able to tackle.”
I am nothing without God but I do let my “self” get to me. There are moments I let my faith falter and think “This is more than I can handle, I want to die, my life sucks”. I go through hard times, harder than what others go through sometimes. Othertimes it’s not near as hard as what others go through but it’s still a struggle to me. When things don’t go my way and life is nothing but pure suckiness and hell running is exactly what I want to do. I want to take back that leap of faith that took me away from security. I want to just give up because that is what would make this all go away.
When those moments hit I have to constantly remind myself it’s not about me, it’s about Him. My life would be nothing without God. I take myself down a notch and remember I am in this for God, not self. I kick, I scream, I get angry, I cry BUT I take a moment to remember the things He has brought me out of. He has always brought me out of my valleys. Sometimes in a quick moment and sometimes it seems like years but He never left me. He was always and will always be right there. When I felt God wasn’t there, that was because I was running, or I was focusing on every bad thing happening in my life, I didn’t look through the storm to see the calm.
I want to tell all my readers today times will get tough. You will want to throw your hands up, scream, cry and act a fool. Do it, it’s okay God will still love you and be there. HOWEVER, I want to encourage you to look past your circumstance, look past your anger, your tears, look through your storm and see the calm. Keep walking through it because you WILL get past it. You will get out of your situation. You will have the blessings He promised BUT you have to make sure you are in this for God, not for you!
So ask yourself this question through good times and bad, when you want credit for something, when you are hurt, when you are happy, when you are angry. Am I in this for God or self? I can almost assure you if you answer the former, you will find the strength through Him to make it through everything thrown your way. If you answered the latter it’s going to be a tough road and it’s going to feel like the world and everyone in it is against you. I know I have been in it for self many times, so I speak from experience. We have to let our flesh die and look to God to restore, refuel, encourage, hold, help and love us. We can’t do it alone and people will always fail us it’s a given, but holding onto God is the way to make it through what you think you can’t.
God or Self: Who are you in it for?