You don’t always get an answer for why things happen. That is what makes going through some things almost unbearable. I am a christian, I know God has a plan. I know there is a reason for everything even if I, personally, don’t know that reason.
Last night I sat in the ER with my husband, as he battled a migraine, after finding out someone who I was very close to growing up died. While sitting all I could think about was why did this have to happen. Mikie and I grew up together and were very close. Hanging out together, protecting one another, essentially being what brothers and sisters are to each other even though we weren’t “officially” brother and sister.
As the years passed we both got married and had children, 3 each. His path was a bit more bumpy than mine and he ended up raising those kids on his own (with the help of Libby, who is like a 2nd mom to me). His kids were everything to him and his life was living proof of that. He had just been through a tough time but had pushed through, thanking God, and was ready to keep going down the path God had for him. When my mom called and told me, last night, that he was killed when someone hit him on his motorcycle, the first question I had for God was why.
Why, when he has 3 small children that he was solely responsible for?
Why, when he was so young and had such a promising life ahead of him?
Why, why, why, why?
I’ve cried and cried all night and asked over and over again why. There is a why, but I just don’t know that why. I can sit back and get angry that this happened or I can sit back, not understand of course, and know that there is a reason…one that’s much bigger than me. One, that truly, God only knows. In every situation, whether I understand it or not, there is a why. This is probably going to be one of those I will never understand and instead will just have to trust God to keep His hand over the entire situation. To pray that he comforts everyone who is hurting right now over this loss.
I’ll never truly understand but I will keep walking and trusting. I am so glad I have a patient God who lets me scream, get angry, not understand and is so patient with me while I go through the motions. It’s not for me to know why, but it’s for me to keep trusting that the plan he has is greater than this or whatever else we go through.
Mikie will be missed and I am so sad I won’t have years to spend with him on this earth. I know one day I will see him again when we meet in heaven and until then, this why, is one I just have to trust God on.